Prior to coming to tech I felt really far and distant from God. Of course He was always there even when it didn’t seem like it, but I realize that only now in retrospect. During my senior year I was definitely living for the things of the world, independent of God. When I first came to tech I met new people who had the same habits I had and I felt that if I slowed down and didn’t keep up with them, I would get lost in the dust. One day after going out to a party with some of my hall mates, I came back into the dorm to my friend Elissa. I explained to her how the party was terrible. She went to a Chi Alpha event that night and said in a confident way that it was great and she strongly urged me to go to the next one. Little did I know that the Lord was going to use Chi Alpha to get to me: to shake me, to love me, to hold me.
The first event we had gone to together was S’mores Night that encouraged fellowship and getting to know one another. I met a lot of very friendly people who seemed genuinely happy and open to meeting new people. I was so shocked to see the genuine fire people had for God. In one conversation I ended up sharing my struggles in my walk. I felt pretty shameful because the previous weekend I had gone out to a party, full of alcohol and activities not of God. Elissa and I ended up getting dinner with some people in Chi Alpha later that week. We talked about God and I shared that I was feeling so spiritually dry and that I felt like it was pointless to continue to reach for God. No matter how hard I tried to live for Him and please Him, I still felt no blessing and no intimacy with Him. They encouraged me to continue to seek after Him and we prayed for a while.
Over time I learned that through grace we can draw close to God and cultivate intimacy with Him. It’s not about my strength at all to continue to seek, but rather, only through His power that I can seek Him and approach the throne to receive Him. His grace extends over everything we do. If we think that missing one prayer will separate us far from God, it becomes about our works, not Him. “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God not by works, so that no one can boast” (Ephesians 2:8). It’s only through the Holy Spirit and through humbling ourselves that we will be blessed. Once I started to understand this concept I was filled with intense intimacy, joy, and hunger for Him.
In the first six weeks at Tech God changed my life so much because of the intimacy that I have with Him. Thirsting and hungering after him, I have received His love more and more which never fails to powerfully move me to tears. I’m being filled more and more with the Spirit…He loves us so much…so undeserved. UNDESERVED, but Jesus is infinitely compassionate and overflowing with love. I wanted to share this for anyone who feels dry or feels like his or her endeavor to seek God is worthless…it’s only by grace. For those who want more of God: “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled” (Matthew 5:6). He said it, so it has to come true. Pray and pray for this hunger and thirst because He WILL fill you!!!